6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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