My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Boobs are out for the taking
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
