im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
