so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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