i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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