What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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