thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
