i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
