hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So vagazzling was a success
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
