she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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