Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
babies were throwing up all over the place
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
