She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize