im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
