I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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