She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
