I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
