I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
