i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
