ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
two words...techno handjob
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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