i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
