but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
operation harelip BJ is a go
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
