At least make sure they are 18
Why
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
