Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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