there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
