I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
