Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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