I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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