when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
