Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
