Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
