I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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