Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
