drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
