What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
