Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
