plz talk dirty to me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
