Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i now understand why vodka
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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