Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
i think i just lost a toe
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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