Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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