Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
