You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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