I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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