OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
