once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
