She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
