i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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