I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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