when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
MIDGETS
????
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
