i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
