How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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