i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
