I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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