All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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