I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
