Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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