she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
