I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
