I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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