Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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