I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize