The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
