by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
