just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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