That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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