Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
