mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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