Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
