btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
